


Tie Doubts

by kela_the_dragon_queen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Established Relationship, Levi/Eren (mentioned), M/M, Mentions of Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:57:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6185077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kela_the_dragon_queen/pseuds/kela_the_dragon_queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most people say that the best time to think about life is under the shower spray. Erwin's inclined to agree.</p>
<p>Except one morning he doesn't make it there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tie Doubts

**Author's Note:**

> I felt guilty about not updating FAH, so here's a little something to tide you over while I ponder on how best to get my fic restarted.
> 
> I started this last year when my ex married his ex, and it was meant to be a sort of catharsis. It ended up being the unbeta'd product of sleeplessness one night after homework, so any flaws please feel free to point out.

Of all the things he considered inappropriate, Erwin supposed that the morning light was one thing he should appreciate. Even if it _did_ hurt his eyes. Besides, the sunlight highlighted the godly planes on his lover’s body; being awoken by its presence was merely a small price to pay. Erwin yawned, blinking the sleep away as he slowly rose from their bed. Mike stirred then, slinging a lazy arm around Erwin’s torso in an attempt to drag him back to bed.

“You’re up too early.” He mumbled, dragging Erwin by his stomach to nuzzle his tailbone. He shivered, feeling Mike’s stubble scratch the spot and vividly recalling where else he’d felt that stubble before.

“I am not, it’s almost noon.” Erwin replied, glancing over at the bedroom clock to confirm. Mike groaned, and Erwin couldn’t help but laugh in response. He felt some rustling, and soon Mike was draped heavily over him, sniffing his neck affectionately.

“Why are you really up?” Mike asked softly, feeling rather than seeing Erwin’s answering frown. “Is today…?”

“You’re too good at reading me.” Erwin sighed, shrugging Mike off and sliding off the bed to pace. Mike watched, partially enjoying Erwin’s tense cheeks, but mostly worrying. “Yes. It’s their wedding day.”

Erwin couldn’t exactly answer to himself why he was burning a trail in their carpet instead of cuddling with his boyfriend, or why he was still so caught on the fact that his ex was now married. 

It wasn’t a hurt; he and Levi had parted on tenuous terms at best, but since he’d found Mike the regret hadn’t been an issue.

It wasn’t jealousy. There was none.

Yet it had to be something.

Erwin jolted out of his reverie when he walked into Mike’s chest, struggling instantly when strong arms locked around him.

“I’m fine, just thinking.” he insisted, looking into his lover’s eyes with a frown. Mike snorted, kissing between creased brows.  


“Think out loud. Let me be your springboard.” He offered gently, nuzzling a tousled hairline with measured movements. Erwin gladly melted into the soothing touches, breathing deeply to organize his thoughts.  


“They sent out invitations to everyone, including you.” Erwin began, which Mike nodded sagely to. “It’s no surprise that Levi didn’t include me in the guest list, but I noticed they’d left off any pluses for you; Hanji said they’re bringing Moblit with them to celebrate; Nana declined to use his. So either that was careful planning, or an unfortunate mistake. But I’m inclined to believe that it’s not an accident; he doesn’t want me there.” 

“Do you really think Levi would be so petty?” Mike asked curiously; Erwin shrugged, his shoulders loosening Mike’s hold as they moved.  


“He has the ability to be so petty. But it could very well be Eren protecting him from any pain. Or…regret…” The look on Erwin’s face told Mike that this was the true brunt of Erwin’s musings, and couldn’t help pulling away slightly in hurt.  


He spoke, looking away from Erwin’s immediately apologetic face. “You want to believe that you can still have an effect on someone who’s made it starkly clear that he no longer wants you in his life.” A helpless, non-committal shrug had Mike retreating to the comforting tangle of blankets that promised refuge. “I know that you can’t help it Erwin, but you obsess over him every few months.” He looked up to find a storm raging in Erwin’s eyes; regret for hurting Mike clashing with the vestiges of doubt that he still harbored in the tides of his heart.

Mike greatly respected this man that stood before him. He’d done many things with no regrets, coming off as remorseless to the cadets he led. It was all an act.

Erwin felt and bled deeper than anyone when a comrade fell, even when it was a calculated loss. Mike had picked up the pieces when Erwin tore himself to shreds for taking the role of executioner, offering the souls as sacrifices for the greater good of humanity.

Each night he put the man back together again, assuaging his fears, kissing away the regrets etched into his features. Every morning Erwin rose, renewed and refilled with righteous confidence.

Yet _this_ was the issue that he couldn’t leave be. Mike wondered if it would ever end.

“I don’t want him back.” Erwin whispered, creeping back on the bed. “But I don’t want him to forget everything either.”  


“He should.” Mike said simply, ignoring the crumpling of Erwin’s face; he knew better than to coddle Erwin when he was so unsure. After all, if he insisted on staying marooned in these doubts, he wanted to be the rock that Erwin stayed on. “You both should.”

They stared into each other's eyes, communicating both hurt and understanding even as they moved towards each other like clashing waves. Mike looked back into Erwin’s face, finding that his doubts had calmed somewhat; Erwin found refuge in Mike's weathered expression. 

This was the most he could do for this morning, Mike supposed, even as he fell back with Erwin latched onto his lips. 

Perhaps this would occur less over the weeks to come, he hoped as he drove his name from Erwin’s mouth with powerful strokes.

As they lay, breathlessly sated, Mike knew this. Whatever happened, he could only be there, ready to save him again should Erwin decided to sink again. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't post very often, but if you like erratic results of mobile blogging, follow me at her-majesty-the-dragon-queen.


End file.
